The one bummer about the election season closing is that we won’t be able to see Tina Fey lampooning Sarah Palin on SNL. Oh well. The trade-off is far superior to the opportunity cost.

November 5th will indeed be a day to remember.

Last week, when I was voting, I noticed that there was a position open for the Upper Willamette Soil and Water Conservation Board (as a director for zone 2, whatever that means!) Anyway, there was no official candidate that filed for the position so I figured why not start a write-in campaign just with friends and acquanitances of mine and we’ll see what happens. If you know me and have yet to vote (in Eugene), vote for me!

So yeah, I could be an elected official November 5th. The system is truly fascinating sometimes.

If any other ideas arise, please let me know…Thanks!

Things are good. I’ve been going through a bit of growth characteristically. I, with the help of both my dad and my good friend Jesse, realize that some stuff about me needs to change. One thing that my dad and I always seem to discuss whenever I go through these hard times is that I have the propensity to over-analyze the heck out of everything when given enough time alone to sit and ponder. I’ll even over-analyze why I over-analyze. It’s a genetic trait from my dad, so he says. I guess one way to get past that over-analysis to self-deprecation to depression mode I can get into is to change what I’m doing at that moment, day, week, etc. Example: I used to listen to a bunch of music a few years back that I fell out of touch with because I felt that that music wouldn’t be received well by others’ taste and thus would be reflected back on me as a negative personality characteristic (mainly in my own head). By doing this, I realize that I am discontent with how God made me in some sense (Ps. 139:14). I have done this to others in the past. I feel really quite awful and am truly sorry (if you happen to read this and you were one of those people) about it but instead of sinking into the ruts of over-analysis, self-deprecation, then depression about my shortcomings and seemingly constant failures, I need to let go and let Jesus take that burden since it is not mine to bear for His grace is sufficient for me (Mt. 11:30, 2 Cor. 12:9).

With that, I decided to then change some things. I’m going through my old music library to see what I have and reacquaint myself with the joyous music of my youth (mainly ska, jazz, a sprinkling of metal, etc.) and reflect on what God provided for me to experience His joy. The last few days have been a relief in regards to those things. I have been listening to nothing but Chicago, Five Iron Frenzy and the O.C. Supertones. Good ol’ sappy love songs and third wave ska. It’s been fun!

In other news, I’m still praying about my future and what God has in store. Lately, due to this most recent trial, I have been thinking that due to where I have been of late, I feel that something big and completely different is going to happen in my personal life. I continue to pray for direction concerning my future wife and what that will entail on my end responsibility-wise but I’m not sure if that will be the area of change necessarily. My goal as of now is to sit patiently and wait on the Lord Jesus for His direction over my life. In preparation of this, I have been taking a break from my ministrial involvement at Calvary (my church) and am waiting for what God has in store, where He wants me to serve and, most importantly, my relationship with Him and where my heart is in relation to His guidance. I have felt that I have been serving out of obligation for a while and now I feel tired spiritually in concern to service. After eight years at the same church with limited break, I’m amazed at how God has brought me through it.

My good friend, Ms. Margaret, told me that she had seen the need for this in my life and that she was concerned for my well-being due to how I relentlessly serve without regard to my own spiritual well-being. She observed rightly in saying that I should take time to seek the One I’m serving in order to more effectively serve Him out of a heart full of love and attention to His voice instead of one of duty and obligation (Lk. 10:38-42). At the time, I realized the importance of that statement specifically more than any other part of the letter she wrote to me, but now I’m gaining a better understanding as to what she meant by it.

(Margs, if you do read this, thank you for being obedient to God to tell me what He put on your heart to tell me. He knows that I value your opinion very highly and He knew I would listen to whatever you had to say about what you observed. Thank you and I miss you, buddy. Have fun in Jordan and Israel!)

I pray that God helps me to continue to listen and understand what His amazing grace is and how to live and grow by it. I ask that whoever reads this would help me in prayer for this too. If there is any way I can help any of you with whatever, please let me know, thanks.

I’m looking to improve my accessibility to my blog by finding my own space somewhere open in the Internet. I was not sure if anyone could help. Just thought I’d check and see. Thanks.

The last couple of months have been long and arduous. Work and school with a good portion of ministry have dominated the time I do have.

Work has been good. Not much has changed there. People are moving on next week after graduation and with the summer fast approaching, things are going to change a little. I’ll be going from a regular to an irregular schedule at work and I’m trying to figure out what to do. I have some ideas but I should have acted on them a bit sooner. I think I became so distracted with just getting through every day that I forgot to plan ahead a bit. I know all things will come together by God’s grace but I know that good stewardship and responsibility over the things in my life are definitely necessary too.

As far as school is concerned, I took time away from history classes in order to hopefully enjoy this term more with less reading. i came to realize more that history is where I should be given how my mind and heart still come alive when I learn about the past. Not only about the past but how the past shaped the present which determines our future. I was listening yesterday to a sermon/message given by Jim Gilmore from the Resurgence Pastor’s Conference in Seattle from February. He is a business man that is able to really connect how business and the tenets of capitalism have infiltrated faith and what it means to believe in God and trust in Him. He was talking about how if we all were to look back at what we have gone through in our own lives and also what has transpired in other areas, then we can better understand why we are where we are. It’s truly a common sense thing like the adage, “hindsight is 20/20″ but for some reason when he said it, it had a greater impact on my day then if someone coined the latter phrase. I guess in saying things or hearing things in a different way is not all together bad but a necessary thing sometimes in order to jar my mind out of the ruts of monotony that it tends to get itself into. His message concerning our society’s growing appetite for experiences is definitely beneficial and very insightful.

Concerning ministry, I have been blessed by God with a gift in music and I’m grateful for the opportunities I have had to use that gift to His glory. But likewise, concerning ministry or really anything where I can serve others through the gifts God has given me, I need to remember it is OK to take a little time for my own well-being and not try to take on so much in ministry by trying to be available for everything. For awhile, I know that i by my own strength can endure quite a load. I know this because I tend to exhaust myself before I realize that I should not have. I’m not stepping down from anything as of yet but I’m trying to take some time to reflect upon what God is trying to teach me and where He is guiding me for my life in general. My friend, Jen, last night mentioned this idea of how there is a tendency to talk and take action with people or whatever and not just sit still and listen. Interjection and the ability to convince are more to our liking than sitting and waiting for when and where to take the next step. In reference to one of the stories with Mary, Martha, and Jesus in Luke 10:38-41, Jesus commends Mary for sitting at His feet and listening to His word while Martha became worried about all the things that needed to be done. In this, Jesus isn’t mocking the need to work or belittling it in anyway but He is just reminding Martha and myself of where our priorities should lie and in what order. Paul encourages us in Colossians 3:23 to do all unto the glory of God. I believe that ministry if placed in its proper context behind communion with the Lord is the most beneficial because it is by His strength not ours lest we should boast.

I pray that whoever reads this will be reminded that it is OK to be still even when you feel the need not to. Take a deep breath and reflect. It only takes a second but it can impact your life for eternity. I pray that God would strengthen me to do His work but also to teach me how to listen and follow His words for me.

In other areas when I’m not consumed by these three. I’m with friends and family. This last weekend I was able to go south to Klamath Falls and spend some time with almost my entire extended family. I left on Friday late morning and drove down I-5 to Ashland and went up Highway 66 from there. A beautiful yet very treacherous road (at least the western half) from Ashland to the Box R Ranch which was my destination for the day. The Box R is a cattle ranch/retreat center just outside of Pinehurst about 25 miles from Ashland. It was a great day to be there too. The sun was shining and all my mom’s extended family was there too. Some of them I have not seen for nearly 10 years. After I took a walk with my cousin Tom near a pond just beyond our cabin is when the “fun” began. Not only was this a family reunion of sorts but also it was my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary that weekend. My grandpa is a very energetic guy who loves the Lord and is very charismatic about life in general saying “Praise the Lord” and “Glory…” in almost every sentence. Apparently he has been like this nearly his whole life after his conversion as a young man. He is very kind and loving with a great heart for prayer and his family but at times seems oblivious to things that are going on around him that is not in accordance to his own schedule. It’s kinda weird for sure but we love him. By the end of the three and a half day extravaganza, the entire family was wiped out from the constant goings on. But to conclude there is a bit premature.

Concerning extended family I haven’t seen for nearly a decade, my uncle Doug has been kind of on the outside of the family happenings over the past 30+ years or so due to his decisions to have his own life outside of the influence of his parents and therefore God. My grandpa and my uncle have apparently had a rough history together due to the both being very determined individuals. The hardest thing for them I see is that they are so similar in personality that the only thing that drove them apart was their lifestyles. One went one way, the other went the other way. I had the opportunity to spend a little time with my uncle Doug after an unforeseen event transpired. He had driven all the way from Las Vegas to visit and the serpentine belt in his truck unraveled as the family was packing up to return to Klamath Falls for the remainder of the weekend. My grandpa and the majority of the family (who I believe weren’t fully aware of what was going on) left as scheduled but they volunteered me to go to Ashland with Doug to get a new belt for his truck. I was willing to do it but I felt like it was a way for my grandpa to avoid interaction with his son. I’m not fully sure whether or not that was the case but it sure felt that way. Within a few minutes, Doug and I started our descent into Ashland to go find the right part at an auto parts store we hoped to find since I don’t know Ashland that well and my uncle had never been there before. The trip down was not too bad. I felt that my uncle had been under so much pressure to act on his best behavior around the family that it was really starting to wear on him adversely. He has had a very difficult life in Vegas apart from God and His grace but I’m convinced that he can still come to that same relationship with God as his father and family has. My uncle is not the most comfortable in social situations with the family which was apparent but I felt that if he was given some time apart from the pressures of the family to be a certain way or conform to the will of his parents that the weekend would be better for him. Our trip down was fun actually. We didn’t talk to much since we were still trying to figure each other out, I think. We have met two other times in 20 years with nearly zero interaction. But it was a good time. After a few minutes we started talking a little, catching up on the little things, etc. By the time we arrived in Ashland, we both were looking semi-frantically for an auto parts store of any kind. We wanted to get out of there as soon as possible since the rest of our family headed east to Klamath Falls and we were heading west to Ashland which was closer for the part but further away from our destination. We found the part at an auto parts store fairly quickly but in order to get the right part we had to guess on a few questions the clerk asked us. We made the right assumptions we would later find out.

The return to Klamath Falls was better, my uncle seemed relieved that my parents stayed behind to make sure things went well with the truck. I was too. It was nice to have my parents there to be sure everything went well. We installed the belt and were on our way. After a quick stop over at my parent’s place, we went to my aunt and uncle’s house near the California border for golf and barbecue. Good stuff!

The whole interaction with my uncle was by far the most memorable because of a few things. One, I had never spent quality time with him at all before last weekend. Two, I learned a lot about myself and how God has called me to be a leader and support those in need regardless of the situation at hand. Three, I also realized, though it took me a couple of days later to realize, that in order to be an effective instrument of God in any situation, I need to be craving quality time with Him in the same way that one desires food when hungry, water when thirsty, and sleep when drowsy.

The need for God in this way and in these situations is similar to how David describes in the Psalms: “As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs for you.” This sort of craving for God in this tenacity is a difficult thing to understand and I know that once I am to that place where God is truly my everything, I will then truly have my heart’s one desire, to live fully unto Him, and for Him, through Him alone. As Oswald Chambers said in My Utmost for His Highest (today’s passage), “Your will agrees with God, but in your flesh there is a nature that renders you powerless to do what you know you ought to do. When the Lord initially comes in contact with our conscience, the first thing our conscience does is awaken our will, and our will always agrees with God. Yet you say, “But I don’t know if my will is in agreement with God.” Look to Jesus and you will find that your will and your conscience are in agreement with Him every time. What causes you to say “I will not obey” is something less deep and penetrating than your will. It is perversity or stubbornness, and they are never in agreement with God. The most profound thing in a person is his will, not sin.” I pray that though whatever may come, I pray that God reminds me of what is most important when He comes in contact with my conscience and awakens my will to follow.

The last few weeks have been very busy involving a great many things. Since I’m fairly new to this blogging thing, the consistency of upkeep is rather difficult to get use to. But, without further ado…

Things have been good but not without their share of difficulties but God is good and faithful. Since the last post, I had finals, which included a 10-page research paper (largest one I have ever written), spring break, and the beginning of the spring term here at the U of O.

Spring break was indeed timely and very necessary in many ways what I learned hopefully will have a lasting impact.

I was convinced by Mike and Jen (from the Longing) to teach for the Longing about whatever I wanted to. I had felt, over the course of a couple of weeks that I should talk about finding contentment in Christ alone. It was not a subject I felt completely comfortable in because following what I taught on is a very hard thing for me to do at times as I think it is for most. The week leading up to the teaching, I was encountered with an unfortunate turn of events concerning a couple friends. The up and down of the situation really was not the issue but God was showing me that through my reaction, whether calm or bombastic, positive or negative, would determine future peace or strife. Which basically is what the book of James teaches concerning the tongue and its power. I, by the grace of God and other good friends, was able to be loving in response to the argument and thus be obedient to God through self-control.

As I have been seeing within my life since then, God is moving powerfully and is showing me blessings through just simply obeying what He directs me to do. By his grace alone am I secure and only by His grace can I show others His grace.

To God be the glory for all things for He alone is worthy to be praised.

Perhaps it is not misery in the traditional sense of the word but in the sense that there are requirements that have been put over me, by my allowance and are thus self-imposed to a degree, to that I do not want to meet all the time like reading and writing about things that are, in the grand scheme, applicable but hard to apply at times while actually reading or writing when I would rather do anything but. The beckoning of friends (most are not in school), and the changing seasons from winter to a semi-spring do not help matters much because I want to do anything but school given my current mindset.

The joy I find in my situation is two-fold, I have a sense of relief and ease which comes from living an unique lifestyle as a student because responsibilities are rather spread out and to some degree, in reference to attendance in most classes, is largely optional to an extent. The other part of the joy is that I have an understanding of my purpose here at the University of Oregon is not to be just a student focused on my studies but also within the social opportunities that college grants like meeting and working alongside many new people from varying backgrounds within my same situation.

Given what I just previously mentioned, there is another variable with which I sometimes fail at accounting for and therefore achieving is finding a balance between the two areas of self-imposed, semi-enforced responsibility and the instantly beneficial time of socializing. Both are important and are necessary but I have the tendency on focusing too much on one or the other depending on what is the most pressing demand at the time. There is not much as far as planning these things out since both situations usually cannot allow such. Granted, there are some areas and times that do, for myself this largely is not the case.

These musings lead me to different passages within the Bible about being a good steward or manager of what God has given me and also being in this world without being part of it and not allowing the things of this world to tie me down and get in the way of what God has for me. These things, in my mind, have a degree of opposition although they are very closely related.

All these thoughts and my actions based on them are a direct corollary of the current state of my relationship with God. I find that within the mundane, everyday routine of my life, I disregard for the most part the involvement that God wants to have with me within those things but also that I am not sure as to how to go about changing that. Last night, at a meeting for the Longing, the post-college age group I help out with, I expressed this discontent with my situation based on the expressions of 1 Peter 1:6-9, especially the latter part of verse 8 where Peter says “that we are filled with joy inexpressible and full of glory”. After some discussion of this topic, I was given a note by one of the other leaders based upon the Galatians 5:22-23 account of the Fruits of the Spirit. Her note expressed that the order of them all was specifically so because the all of them are contingent on one thing: the love of Jesus Christ for us and by it the sacrifice He gave in order for me and all of us to live in that love “for the salvation of our souls” (1Pet. 1:9)

The assurance of this salvation of my soul based in the love of Christ fully is the sole reason to live. I realized last night that this does not nullify responsibilities we have on this Earth but that our responsibilities on this Earth, in this life are to be based on being within the love of Jesus Christ at all times and in all situations.

My homework will eventually go away with the time it demands but the joy that comes through being obedient to the primary calling of my life, to know Jesus and live in the love and grace He offers to all, is tantamount to true peace and contentment within this life and the promised life to come for those who love Jesus and are called accordingly to His purposes for us individually and corporately.

Things are good. At school, I’ve been starting to research the cause of the 1956 Hungarian Revolution for a 10-page paper that is due in roughly three and a half weeks or so. In other news, I’m considering and praying about helping my church, Calvary Fellowship in Eugene, OR with podcasting the Sunday sermons. I’m trying to organize some ideas with others involved so I can properly assess what areas need the help.

I’m also thinking about this coming Friday. My church is holding a night of ballroom dancing at another church in town just to help in building new and existing relationships within the church congregation. It should be very interesting. I, being very musical and can play many instruments, can’t dance to save my life! I’m pretty nervous about the whole thing really but I hope it’ll be fun nonetheless.

So anyway, I hope that this project of dictating my thoughts and musings will fare better than the previous attempts and that it would be somewhat interesting to anyone who happens to stumble across this page.

Peace be to you all. Have a good day wherever you are.